The malicious world of unfriendly self-centered creatures crept into my world and invaded my most private treasures; abducted my virtue and gifted me distrust and fallacy on a bloody red gift bag. The innocence of my heart took in a dose of sin in one violent afternoon and concealed me in fear than rage. Shame stripped me naked; I hid myself away from everything…everything but him. Run away young blood, but where do I go? Who knows what is out there? What if I come across the worst? The once safe and jolly place became the darkest dangerous territory with no way of escape. Night after the other I dared the violence hoping it was the last, hoping the thickness of blood would remind him of who I was, but so it seemed that I became his drug, he became addicted to me that I had no choice but to end his life to rest.
It started the night my mother took off without a trace. I still have no idea where she is, but all I do every day is pray that she is still in one piece wherever she is, I pray that she smiles like she used to with my father before he became an alcoholic and began the domestic violence. When he got arrested, things changed for the worst, because even though he had become violent, he still fed our stomachs. Mother had no career, no run away plan, no loop hole of escape and we just had to tolerate the violence for the sake of living another day, until they charged him two years in jail, thanks to our nosy neighbors. He went and left us no penny for bread.
Physically I was not affected by my father’s violence but now I am left alone to suffer the violence that seem to know no end. My uncle, George was the only relative I was introduced to, my mother left me at his house, on a Monday morning two months ago, she said she was going job haunting and that she would be back before dark to pick me up but she never did.
He shouted at me, as if I was to know where his sister had gone, as if I was a burden in his household when I had only been there for eleven hours, his wife was not even speaking to me, it was as though she knew I was there to stay.
“Where the hell is your mother, was she not supposed to have picked you up by five?” he exclaimed and I felt a rain of his saliva on my face. I had nothing to say, all I could do was hope she would show up at the door that very minute and take me home…but she did not, she did not come for me. The next morning, I woke up with a sore neck, and my ribs were as much aching, I slept on the living room floor, told not to try and sleep on the couch because I would pee on it. I was sixteen for heaven’s sakes. They both looked at me as if they had asked me a question I haven’t answered, but I swear I had not heard their voices that morning.
“You better take care of this today. I do not have kids, and I sure am not going to raise another woman’s child. Take care of it George” she said and then left the house. She called me an “it”, she hated me. When she was gone, uncle sat on the couch next to me, looking away from me and rubbing his hands against each other as though warming them up.
“I don’t think your mother is coming back Thuli” he said
He seemed to know something about her leaving
“Why Uncle George, where did she go?” I asked, careful not to ask the wrong questions.
“She told me she was not coming back, she asked me to take care of you”
I did not understand, tears began to blare my vision
“I tried to make her stay but she had already made up her mind, I could not tell my wife so because she would have forced her to take you with her. I am sorry I shouted at you yesterday, I only did it for my wife”
“Where did she go?”
“I don’t know…do not worry, I will take care of you, I will speak to my wife about it but we are not to let her know that your mother left you here by choice”
I could not move, I was paralyzed; my mother had left me with an uncle who could not stand up for me before his wife. How was I supposed to survive? Tears had begun to flow down my cheeks as reality checked in.
“Are you hungry?” he asked as he walked to the kitchen, I leaned on the couch breathless thinking of my life far from home. Even if it was close, what would I eat there? I had no choice but to stay. He came back a few minutes later with a tray of bread and a cup of creamed coffee, it had been a while since I drank a coffee like that, I accepted the food and began to eat as he did. When we were done, I took the dishes to the kitchen and washed them and then went back to the living room, thinking of what I was going to do about changing clothes.
“Your bag is in the guest room” he said looking at the television screen. I had been there before, and then, I slept in the guest room with my mother, so I knew exactly where it was. I looked at him once and detoured to the guest room, it was open, I entered and closed the door behind me and found a large suitcase on the bed. When I opened it, I found everything in it. It was really planned. I took off my clothes and draped myself on my brown towel and then bended over to find my bath towels, when I heard the door open, I jumped, startled and offended by his lack of manners. He usually knocked but he did not. I expected him to be out and gone saying sorry behind the door but there he was, still standing there and looking at me like I was his wife. He then cleared his throat and looked away, giving me a chance to drape another towel over my shoulders.
“I am sorry, I just wanted to check if you were okay”
“I am thank you” he left and I listened after his footsteps to make sure he was really gone, I took a deep breath and grabbed my bath towel to the shower. I could not help but cry my eyes out in silence, thinking ‘how could she have left me without saying goodbye’ hoping she was okay, praying to God that she was. When I was done, showering and crying, I draped myself with the same towel and went back to the bedroom and there he was, seated by the edge of the bed, I could hear my heart beating, when I look at the door, it was shut and the key that used to hang by the keyhole was no longer there. I looked at him, he smiled and said
“Don’t be afraid Thuli, I won’t hurt you. Come and sit down, I want to tell you something”
I could not move, I stood there by the shower door, thinking of how small the window was. I swallowed hard and moved back into the shower when he stood up, taking off his black belt. The shower door had no key I could lock myself in, I looked around for anything but there was nothing, nothing helpful, I stood against a corner, breathing like a dog when he grabbed me and pulled me to the bed, I screamed my lungs out to no avail, I had nothing on but a towel that fell on our way to the bed, he pinned me to the mattress next to my suitcase and unzipped his trousers, he was too heavy for me to fight, I could barely move under him, when his zip was open, he forced my legs apart and thrust into me with a force I had never felt before, he moved with speed in and out of me that I stopped moving and let him finish. When he was done, I could barely breathe, I could barely see his face, but I did feel the cold of a knife on my throat.
“Say a word, and you are dead. From today, you will stay in this house, you will not go out or talk to anyone. You hear me?”
I nodded, with my mouth open as a source of breath and then he left me lying there, breathless and bleeding my virginity away.
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