You know why you are always back to being single after every three months of a relationship I am not about to describe? You never let yourself enjoy the freedom of being single, you never let yourself enjoy the freedom of doing whatever you like whenever you do, you never let yourself become comfortable in that single zone, you are always looking for something or someone when you should be waiting and enjoying the joy of being yourself and with yourself.

Biblically, a woman is expected to wait for that one guy to find her, that one guy who is meant for her. “The one”. I know , I know you are probably laughing out loud or shaking your head because the world has programmed you to think that there is no such thing as the one, I also believed that at some point, but that was before I discovered that my days were pre-ordered way before I came into being, before I discovered that God has positioned everyone that I will meet on my path, before I discovered that he knew the end of me way before I was born, so that let me know that he also knows the man I am going to marry, that particular man has got to be “the one”. So there must be such a thing as the one after all.

and the word is always right, women ought to wait, but what single people fail to do is get comfortable in the waiting and thus find themselves desperate, imagining how it would be like to be in a relationship with every guy they see on the road, in church, at work or wherever.We feed our minds with too much unnecessary curiosity that only builds loneliness in us that eventually throw us into the arms of the first guy that comes our way, and deceive us to mistaken desperation for love.Then three months later, we are back on the same spot.Lonely again. Desperate again. Looking again.

So how do I get comfortable in the wait you ask…I am no waiting love doctor or anything but experience has been the best teacher, I commend. Firstly, avoid listening to too much of love songs because all they do is make you long for love, listen to more of gospel music and I guarantee you will feel loved and need no man to satisfy the need to be loved. Build your relationship with God, fellowship more with the Holy Spirit and you will be guaranteed a discerning spirit that will help you recognize your man when he finally comes your way.

Do not avoid relationship talks just because you are single and waiting, listen and learn the dos and don’ts so you may know how to be in your own relationship. Do put on a great look and go out with your friends but please lose the mind of going out there because you think maybe he might be there. You will be brutally disappointed when the night goes by and no man has passed a compliment your way. In other words, allow yourself to forget that you are single sometimes.Do not test the waters with every guy your eyes are attracted to, you will end up with a broken heart and you don’t want that.

Never allow yourself to consider the what ifs that your mind and friends feed you….”what if he never comes, what if I miss my chance, what if he comes and I do not know him-if you are in the right position with the Holy spirit then there is no way that you will not know him, at least there is no way you will not see the wrong one when he comes, and you can never miss your chance simply because God is organized.

Simply enjoy being single, get comfortable in it and avoid falling into the arms of the first temptation that comes your way. Cheers to the single and comfortable.


Single people should understand the principle of love before jumping into a whole lot of things. What I mean by this is: we need to know and understand our role in the process of being found. The bible says ‘’he who finds a wife finds a good thing’’ so ladies, there is no such thing as ‘’looking’’ for the right guy, we don’t look, because he who looks finds and we are not meant to be in a business of ‘’finding’’ rather ‘’to be found’’. So let’s stop fantasizing about every guy we bump into and leave that business to men. Where we often go wrong is where we have this non-ending list of what kind of men we looking for without first checking ourselves against the very list as to whether indeed such a man (ideal man) does exist, and if we would match the kind of lady he’s looking for.

Romans 12 says; ‘’do not think of yourself more highly than you ought to, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment…..’’ so before we put up a list, let’s first judge ourselves against the very list and be frank with ourselves.
Above all, more focus should be put on improving yourself daily (and of cause not according to the media but the word of GOD). Focus your energy on preparing yourself for a suitable relationship through: Maintaining a close relationship with the Holy Spirit, Embracing the single phase that you are in (don’t fake it) and be content with yourself, Enjoy your own company before you can expect others to, build yourself in your career and be the best of you while you are still single.

Single people should try by all means to just clear out from anything which does not in any way make them better people of decent reputation. Things like this now common “friends with benefits” pleasures should not be a single person’s option.If you are single and happy about it then you don’t need that kind of pleasure.

Another thing is searching yourself and know all your imperfections before you start comparing people’s imperfections. If you are a single Christian, you need to focus more on what the word says because there are many temptations and if you are not knowledgeable in the word, you will not know how to carry yourself or what to do.
Know yourself and what you want, know your expectations because it is dangerous to be indecisive about your expectations because you will even fail to recognize a good man for you when he comes.

The main thing is to be independent, you will not have any reason to need a man in your life before the time is right when you have something to do, and when you are focused on your career. You basically have to have something to do, get a hobby, a job or anything that will always keep your mind occupied.

Q: What was it that you did and did not do before you got married?
I focused on my career and I had a list of three things I wanted in my ideal man;
1. Understanding
2. Caring
3. Respectful
Q: does having a list make you single and comfortable or single and searching?
I was single and comfortable, the list was only a tool that helped me avoid getting into wrong relationships.
Q: how did you know that your husband was the one, did you use the list to check him out?
Not instantly, but eventually I did. First; there is that feeling when the one comes, you feel it within you that he is just the right one and he will definitely meet the requirements on your list, provided they are reasonable. But depend more on your gut feeling than the list. I felt him when he came, he just fitted into my life and list so perfectly.
Q: what feeling do you mean really, how does it feel when he finds you or when you meet him?
You know that chemistry you cannot explain, that feeling as though you have known the guy all your life when you are meeting him for the very first time? That is the kind of feeling you get with your potential husband. Your words and his mingle, you speak the same language and more like fit into each others’ lives without trying hard. That’s what I have experienced.

The basic thing is to stay in prayer, build yourself in the word and pray about the kind of man you want as soon as you feel ready to be in a relationship because you can never go wrong. As long as you pray about it, God will show you a sign when he comes your way and you will be amazed that the guy will fit into your life easily.

Do not rush into anything because the devil, knowing what you want may bring you a look-alike who will eventually hurt you. Tell your friends what you are looking for but do not spill all the details because your friends may put you under pressure and even try to hook you up. Exercise patience and do not fall into peer pressure; that is, don’t look at your neighbors, relatives and friends and compare your status with theirs, and do not listen to the negative comments they say concerning your social life.

Search yourself and know who you are. Have a vision, and a goal in life and always remember that every decision you make is for your own good, not anyone else’s.

Be true to yourself as to whether you want to stay single or still want to date, because once you are decisive then you will be able to make the right choices. If ever you were dating before and now have decided to remain single, your comfort in it will depend on the company you keep, because I for one will not resist talking about my man just because you are single, and you might end up envying all the adventures and all, so the best thing to do is to associate with fellow single ladies, but if you do find yourself in the company of those who are dating, know when to withdraw yourself from certain circumstances like a weekend getaway where everyone is bringing their partners, stay away.

Cut all contacts with your ex-boyfriends if you had been dating before, because ex-boyfriends will always want to come back and they may tempt you to do what may land you in regrets or leave you longing for more.

I do not see anything wrong with being completely single, because it gives you the freedom to do whatever you like without having to consult anyone.
Q: How does one stay single and comfortable?

Have something to do, get something to focus on, on a daily basis, go out with friends, socialize, go to the movies and have your priorities right. Avoid activities which may make you long to be in a relationship.Avoid romantic involvement altogether.
Q: would you advice a single person to watch romantic movies?
Yes and no. YES if you are only going to learn from the movie but NO if all it’s going to do is trigger loneliness and a need to be loved in you.
Q: do you believe in “the one”, do you think there is such a person?
Yes, I believe he is out there somewhere and when the time is right, he will come find me.

Q: when will the right time be?
It will be determined by the arrival of that one guy you will not for a moment have doubts about.

What I love about being single is the fact that I do not have anyone to report to, I do whatever I want whenever I want, I do not have to worry about dividing my time for someone else other than myself and it gives me the time and platform to flirt and explore my options.

Q: does flirting and exploring your options make you single and comfortable?
Yes, I am happy about it, it is fun.
Q: what is a single and uncomfortable person supposed to do to get comfortable?

Avoid thinking about men, flirt for fun and never go intimate with anyone. Shop a lot, do your hair and look great all the time, always go out and have a lot of fun but always remember to look and smell great because you will never know where and when you going to meet him.
Q: doesn’t that suggest that you are searching?
No, but I mean sometimes a girl needs the opposite sex’s attention and I believe every single lady do admire men sometimes and so one should always look their best.

Being single is more like being in a season and every season comes and goes. It is important to understand the season, to know what it brings forth and learn from it. You cannot enjoy spring during winter so you ought to be comfortable in your season as you get ready for the next.

When you are single, you get to think about yourself and how to improve your life without having to consider what the next person thinks, you make your own decisions on everything without worrying about how the next person /partner will feel or how they can be affected. You get to be yourself without having to submit to your partner’s opinions. You have no time to practice any form of jealousy because everything is all about you.

The single phase is where you get to develop yourself to become the “Mrs. Right” for the Mr. Right you would want to have because he obviously is not searching to find “Mrs. Wrong” while he is right. Be content, love yourself, enjoy your own company, have a relationship with God, then you will be comfortable in the season of being single.Because seasons come and go, make sure that you live to the level that when it is gone, you don’t look back and regret the way you have spent your single-hood but rather rejoice because you were single and comfortable.

Genesis 2:21 then the lord God made the man fall into deep sleep, and while he was asleep, he took out one of the man’s ribs and closed up the flesh.
Your man is put into deep sleep, and there is no way you can force him up until God is done with him, but the moment he wakes up, he will find you and will appreciate you. Be comfortable in the season God puts you.



  1. Wow Pinky such an interesting topic Single and Comfortable. ……my name is Mbali Philisiwe Gudazi, I don’t know if I should give my name again. ….anyways before I read what you (Pinky) had to say as well as the other single and comfortable ladies especially Nyiko Chabalala, I then realised that I’m single yes but I don’t think I was comfortable ( after reading what you had to say, I chose to be comfortable). I have been single for a while now and I love the time I have with God in my singleness because I’m always available to help out at church and do what ever I want to do with God and for God.

    Okay now let me go to my singleness. Before I was single, I did date when I was in tertiary before I got born again. That was 2 years and a few months of dating, then when I got born again, I left my boyfriend. I left him because I was advised to and I also thought it best to leave him to pursue my life with Christ. This happened in 2010. This was a bit challenging as I was “in love” with this person, but I prayed about it and continued with my life with Christ.

    In my singleness and life with Christ, wow Jesus has grown me so much into being a Christian I am today building my character each and every day and growing me in the knowledge of His word.

    Let me continue with the topic ” single and comfortable” , I said I don’t think I was single and comfortable, Why? u may ask, well simply because since that time I chose to be completely single, I’ve always thought about my previous boyfriend at the back of my mind. You know seriously at the back of my mind I thought he would be born again and after that we will get married and live happily ever after. You see now Pinky, I was not completely comfortable, because in what you and Nyiko said a woman should wait to be found, but you see I was looking. Even though it was one person but that was looking.

    So thank you ladies now, I am going to begin a life of being single and comfortable. wait and completely trust God with my life, because as you said Pinky, God has already pre ordered my life so this thing of curiosity and putting some person at the back of your mind can only lead to disappointment. Why should I worry about tomorrow because tomorrow has it’s own worries (Mathew 6 the last verse)

    Thank you Pinky and all the ladies you interviewed. I got a break through, Amen

  2. I am so humbled Mbali…It just feels so great to know that you got your breakthrough by reason of this blog. Congratulations on your new life as a single and comfortable lady, enjoy it to the fullest before he arrives.

    It is good to hear from you here. I hope to see more of you.

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