We shout, out so loud we shout for help…we shout for help from our elders who have made it in this life. We tell them all that went wrong, share all our dreams hoping they would take our hands and help us through the door our eyes are too blind to see…we shout “HELP” so loud they avail themselves and promise to help us up the ladder. Refining refreshing relief it is; the thought of “finally we’ve made it” do away with our penury mindsets and grant us hope for a better next day. A light right inside a tunnel begins to shine, assuring us of a greater light at the end of it… until they begin to lay their conditions down.
Supposed soft touches on my thighs hurt me physically and emotionally, leaving me with scars so hard to neither remove nor hide. My world spins; I have no idea when it’s going to stand. Every pocket of every garment of mine is empty, but demands are stacking up rapidly I’m drowning within. Choice-less I stick around, getting my head around their conditions. My heart bleeds I can’t help it, my mind screams aggressively, pounding my head but, it’s better ignored as the sole way I see for survival is to yield to my elders and let them into my system in exchange for their help. “Help”
“Nothing is free these days” so they say, thus I pay for their help in advance with my most precious treasures. “Life is a risk, allow yourself to take risks” so they say, and I traded my innocence, risking my life for their help.
Supposed soft touches all over my body destroyed my sense of reverence for me, and for them. where does my being a woman…no, my being a girl fit in to a 55 year old man’s conditions to help me….cruel, cruel world, what happened to every child is your child, how do you fit in, in-between my legs and remain shameless about it when my teeth are still this milky? The world look at me and call me all sorts of names, they despite me for sleeping with older men…if only they knew how I feel about it deep within, If only they knew my dreams, if only they knew what went wrong, if only they knew it was not by choice, if only they had seen the life demands that choked my sanity to death and served me to self centered men of dead conscious, they would understand that life demands made the choices for me.