I don’t look forward to dusk as I don’t look forward to dawn. I am so tired of being here. I’ve lived almost the rest of my childhood under the same routine. At rush hour, I hide myself in a corner; avoiding having to see people look down on me and budge away from me at my most harmless state, “Sober and hungry”. I’ve watched them for years. They wait impatiently on traffic, they run for buses, they walk in giant steps and they want nothing to do with me. At dawn; their footsteps wake me, whilst the cold and night noises had kept me insomniac half of the dark hours. They feel sorry for me but have the valor to pass me by.
At dusk; they collect their children from school, something I wish the person who brought me to this depraved world had introduced me to. They collect their wives from work, something I wish I could do one day. They grab take outs for dinner, so expensive it is impossible for me. They move to different directions, I wish I had one. I hover around wondering which direction I should take, hoping to find a warm space to lay my head down for the night. Gradually the streets go empty. I realize that within a few hours they will be completely bare… except I will still be there. I wish I was one of those who have roofs over their heads to disappear into when the sun goes down, when it rains and when it is so cold.
It is the clear hour, the only people around are nothing different from me, thus I don’t even consider their presence. As far as the circumstance is concerned; I am alone. Walking down the empty streets; looking for a vacant shelter. I don’t care how it appears or smells, as long as I’m tucked under my jacket I’ve picked up from a disposal bin; which I have been on for the past three weeks unwashed. As long as I am not completely exposed to the early birds, I force myself to drift away. My dreams are empty like the streets, hence I have no idea what tomorrow holds.
But I hold on to whatever is there, somewhere deep within me, I have hope…hope for…I am not sure what but I intend to discover it. One day when the streets go empty, I will not remain. If I don’t succeed in leaving the streets, at least I would have tried.