BATTLE FOR MY HEART

It is too gloom for my sight, I can’t feel my heartbeat…it’s as though I’ve passed on to the next life. What if I have? I am cold, so cold than the maximum degree of winter weather, though it feels like my heart is on fire. This feeling is familiar, I remember feeling this way yesterday; before the wind blew a window open-open enough to let a little bit of light eliminate my dark world, ushering in a breath of fresh air. It felt extraordinarily enchanting, I could see things in a different view, the world seemed to be a different place, and I felt warm under no traceable source of heat.

My heart beat rhythmically alluring…my eyes radiated and lit up my world completely. Finally I found a muse to let my bright set of teeth out and form an automatically welcoming fraction. I felt a smooth shift of the globe-a shift to a better place with bright colors.  Made me wonder where I have been living-where I’m living. It was a beautiful place where I heard a sound of my own voice I only remembered from my childhood; the sound of a laugh…It’s a place where u laugh even without a reason, where creatures like me hold hands, hold each other very close, share kisses…look into each other’s eyes and seem to see through one another…I wouldn’t trade the feeling for anything at all, but…I must have been dreaming.

No…the same wind closed the window, my eyes shut at the sound of a loud bang, darkness took over all over again, icy cold filled the room, and agony burned my heart with heat that could not subdue the cold even by an inch. Instantly I knew I was back to my world, the globe shifted again, only this time the shift was harsh, back to being on my own with clenched teeth, teary dark eyes that failed to bring in a little gleam. Makes me wonder how I managed to leave this place for those few seconds that I’ve lived in a world that seemed more real than this.

I’m trying to think but its hard under this circumstances- I’m fighting the death of my heart…the battle doesn’t make it easy for me to figure things out, its vague, its painful…love…yes it was love, but where did it go-why, how did I lose it. How did I find it…why is it so painful but yet have the ability to make the world a better place, why does it trigger tears to my eyes…how does it get hot and cold?…how do I find it, how do I keep it?…

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