WE WERE ONCE IN THE WORLD

PROLOGUE

We were not born in church, we were not born Christians…we were once in the world, lost in the dark…knowing not the truth, caught up in the devil’s maze, daring to live, living without any hope for tomorrow…but thank God for grace, we met with Christ and these are our stories….

ALL ALONE WITHOUT HOPE

It took me an eternity to consider the last question from my thoughts… “Have you tried Jesus?”…I’ve walked every street there is in Gauteng, searching for a home, searching for someone to love me but… nobody wanted me, nobody seemed to care. It was as though I was invisible throughout the face of the earth…I lost hope, I gave up and succumbed to what was served on my plate, I accepted that I was a child of the street… “Street kid”. Considering the fact that my so-called birth mother rejected at birth, no little knowledge acquired from the streets gave me hope for a change. But one day…ohhh…I still remember that moment when a girl of my age came and told me that Jesus loved me…I found out that he had said that he will never leave nor forsake me-I met with Jesus and he took me home, he took me into a home I was not physically born into, a home with peculiar people, people who are full of love…and from that day, I discovered the meaning of my life..My life has been given a meaning that I never knew existed…

I HAD TO PROVIDE FOR ME

It’s like I was caught up in a maze…in fact I was caught up in a maze, going on circles unaware, hence I didn’t even attempt to find my way out. When I was growing up I was told that “indoda iyazi phandela (a man provides for himself)” but they never told me how and I took the easiest and fastest way out. I fed on other people’s sweats…they would pay and I consumed… I never saw myself going to universities and reading some stack of books written from some dead philosopher’s thoughts…that was how I use to see education…worthless! I thought drugs and theft was the best way to live…until I stole from the right person. I was caught red handed…you can imagine…there was nowhere to run…I was already in jail right in her leaving room… but no…the next morning I woke up, my mind was full of foreign thoughts…her voice constantly haunting me, telling me that I was not myself rather the devil was using me…telling me that I can be somebody, telling me to follow her to church… I felt her compassion, and decided to give it a try…but I had doubts, feeling undeserving to be in a holy place but she quoted Isiah 1:18 and that was it…I found out that God does not look at what you did yesterday, but rather he accepts anyone who calls upon his name. From that day…Sunday the 5th of June 2011 my life changed for the best. I even discovered the significance of reading those books…and now I am somebody.

THE ONLY LIFE I KNEW

I hardly lived in day light; the spotlight was always the right light when the sun had set. That was almost the only life I knew. After alcohol, drugs I did lust. I was totally lost, Separated from God’s glory…My mind was filled with the devil’s lies hence partying was the only life I knew. My parents did all they could to bring me back on the right track but it seemed as though they were merely pouring oil unto burning fire; a fire that soon grew into flames and burnt them instead. My mother died because of my insolence and disarray. I was in total darkness, the devil wrote the script and I acted it out excellently…but finally, thank God light came…it was as though a blind fold had just been removed from my eyes…I realized that I was walking on the wrong path…I hesitated…and there came a thought telling me that it was too late, but the word of God said it is never too late…I chose to believe the word, I made a u-turn and Jesus accepted me…now I am fully yielded to the word of God.

WEALTH WITHOUT JESUS

They are things of the world, they belong to the world, if you have them… very well, enjoy them, but make sure you know that they are not your salvation…”wealth without JESUS”…money, property, land and all these things are nothing when you don’t have Jesus. I had it all…not lacking a thing you can ever think of…I thought I didn’t need Jesus, I thought church was for poor people, I thought the needy are the ones who pray…After all life was like lying on a bed of roses… but the time came when I felt an opening inside, people around me departed from me…most of them died, the time came when everyone I get close to would rather get hit by a car if not shot. Anxiety became my closest friend… with all the money in the world life became hard…it became hard to breathe, I became enemies with the mirror, because every time I look into it; a stranger would look back at me… I felt like my soul was disconnected from my heart, and I felt like my heart was disconnected from my body…I needed someone to help me, my money could not help me anymore and somehow I knew from within my disjointed being that all I needed was Jesus… and finally I said yes to him and Glory to God now I am complete.  Suddenly it’s as though all the people I’ve lost are being restored…I met new people, I made friends, and I’ve discovered that… “It’s now that I have it all”.

EPILOGUE

Different encounters, but we were all once in the world…living in the dark, but thank God for bringing us into his marvelous light. We are now in Christ, living according to God’s plan for our lives…What would we have become in life if it was not for Jesus? …Nothing!

We boldly testify today of his goodness, of his unconditional love and of his grace and mercies that endures forever.

Stage show played by Sibusiso and Clement at Christ Embassy Montana on the 19th of May 2013.

Written and directed by Pinky Manganyi

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BATTLE FOR MY HEART

It is too gloom for my sight, I can’t feel my heartbeat…it’s as though I’ve passed on to the next life. What if I have? I am cold, so cold than the maximum degree of winter weather, though it feels like my heart is on fire. This feeling is familiar, I remember feeling this way yesterday; before the wind blew a window open-open enough to let a little bit of light eliminate my dark world, ushering in a breath of fresh air. It felt extraordinarily enchanting, I could see things in a different view, the world seemed to be a different place, and I felt warm under no traceable source of heat.

My heart beat rhythmically alluring…my eyes radiated and lit up my world completely. Finally I found a muse to let my bright set of teeth out and form an automatically welcoming fraction. I felt a smooth shift of the globe-a shift to a better place with bright colors.  Made me wonder where I have been living-where I’m living. It was a beautiful place where I heard a sound of my own voice I only remembered from my childhood; the sound of a laugh…It’s a place where u laugh even without a reason, where creatures like me hold hands, hold each other very close, share kisses…look into each other’s eyes and seem to see through one another…I wouldn’t trade the feeling for anything at all, but…I must have been dreaming.

No…the same wind closed the window, my eyes shut at the sound of a loud bang, darkness took over all over again, icy cold filled the room, and agony burned my heart with heat that could not subdue the cold even by an inch. Instantly I knew I was back to my world, the globe shifted again, only this time the shift was harsh, back to being on my own with clenched teeth, teary dark eyes that failed to bring in a little gleam. Makes me wonder how I managed to leave this place for those few seconds that I’ve lived in a world that seemed more real than this.

I’m trying to think but its hard under this circumstances- I’m fighting the death of my heart…the battle doesn’t make it easy for me to figure things out, its vague, its painful…love…yes it was love, but where did it go-why, how did I lose it. How did I find it…why is it so painful but yet have the ability to make the world a better place, why does it trigger tears to my eyes…how does it get hot and cold?…how do I find it, how do I keep it?…

LOVE ME FOR I AM NOT FOR REAL

If I knew better, I would say this is how love is suppose to be; nothing less than a bed of roses with the best scent that springs joy from within my…so called self. Gentle, honest, down to earth and loving are the best words to describe his character. Every time I call his name, he stops everything and gives me his undivided attention. Sometimes I feel like I don’t deserve him. I invited him to sail with me merely because there was no way on earth I could cross the bridge alone. My pals think he is living under a spell of some sort, while the truth lies within “hypnotic acts of motives”.  He succumbed to my charisma towards him, making it easy for me to endure my motives in conviction without an apercu of vagueness.  I gave him all the possible hints and got him so hypnotized that he could not resist me.

I appeared to him on a skin of a saint potently and led him to see me the way I knew he longed for and simultaneously fulfilled his fantasy. Apparently I am the women in his fantasies, a woman who has put herself aside and fix her gaze in pleasing the perfect man in her life. I do everything right, pay attention to detail, so far there is no wrong he has spotted about me. Perfect is how he describes me in his secret places.

I led him to believe in serendipity, enduring the sentiment of guilt mingling with the pain that I internalized; the pain of knowing that he loves someone else. When I look into the roots of what seem to have born a blithe and an enchanting relationship, I see where I went wrong. From the very first day I met him, I gave him away, and I gave him away to someone that was not by an inch close to being me. I was convicted by anomie, desperate to find out how it feels to be in this side of the world and I merely needed a companion to sail with me. Thus I had no other option but to become what he would fall for than being myself. Out of desperation I became someone I am certainly not, knowing not that my heart would cry out for him so loud. I’ve let the disappointments of the past haunt and concealed me into a shell that I’ve been in for the past three months.

I’ve been sweltering from within… until today that I cannot hold it in anymore. I am tired of being charlatan, and I am drained from being someone else in the name of love. I rather go back to the side of the world where I came from; a lonely world that is as silent as a grave yard, a less pleasant abode with brumal weather on sunny days and extremely cold weather during winter seasons. I think going through that being myself might feel better than living everyday knowing that he loves me for I am not for real.