PYROMANIA

Daniel lived life on slow motion, he lived on regression, replacing things more than he added to the little he had. His house was a mud hut, yet it never occurred to him that his family needed a house, since he was home only once a year. Agnes, his wife, had pleaded that he at least build another mud hut for the children to sleep in when he was around, but he ignored her until she decided to do what other women did, she decided to build it herself. She did not mind sleeping with her three daughters when he was not around. Two would sleep on the floor and she would sleep with the youngest on the three quarter bed that squeaked loud whenever she turned. Whenever he was around; she would arrange that the children go and sleep at their neighbor’s, but the prideful Daniel hated the idea and decided they would all fit in one hut.

January 2000, Agnes began the slow process of building a hut for her children, but when the rain came and turned into a flood in February, it destroyed her half-done construction before it got to their only hut which collapsed eight days after the heavy rain started; when she and the children were sleeping. Most huts in the village had collapsed that night and the rain was expected to go on for another four weeks. It was only God’s grace that had saved her and her children when the wall collapsed. The roof fell low to almost touch the bed and most of the mud bricks fell on the outside of the hut. Agnes was awake when it all happened, but it happened so fast that she almost didn’t make it to the floor with her two year old daughter. The roof came crumbling down as soon as the wet wall resigned, and she moved as swiftly as it came down and managed to snatch her youngest from the bed to cover her along with the other two on the floor, she held up one hand as though to stop the roof but fortunately the triangular structure of the roof touched the ground and stilled. The children woke up covered in hay in confused alerts, they crawled out and had to wake their neighbors for shelter that night. In the morning, they walked to the end of the village in the rain where Daniel’s aunt lived with her husband and daughter. She had two huts and she would accommodate them until they’d rebuilt after the flood had stopped. Daniel was now forced to send money to build two huts with high roofs made of strong wood and hay.

He came home on the December of 2001 and hated the bed he had to sleep on, the rain had fallen on it and was left to dry after the rain to be used again. He got so irritated that he dragged it to the pit where he burnt everything else and set it on fire. His wife and kids merely looked at him and said nothing, they knew he was a pyromaniac, who enjoyed to watch the black smoke rise to make dark clouds above him. He used to burn everything, if he bought knew clothes, he would cut the old ones into pieces and burn them. Agnes knew she had to hide certain things like her plastic Tupperware containers whenever he was coming home, and the children knew they had to hide their favorite playing clothes. When the flames had died down, he went and bought a new bed and promised to send money to buy one for his children.

Daniel was a two faced quiet tall man who had no friends. Whenever he was home, he would sit outside and watch everyone move up and down when he was done burning the garbage for the day. He had one face that made his family warm up to him and waited up until he got home when they knew he was on his way. He carried a certain atmosphere that changed everything when he arrived. He used to bring them new clothes, a lot of sweets and ginger biscuits that made Christmas, a good holiday. It gave him ultimate joy to see his children happy even though he would never say it .Yet he had another face that kept the neighbors away. His silence made neighbors fear him. No one would visit until he was gone, for he would not greet them even if he found them sitting by the door.

Everything was fine, they were a happy family who had embraced their differences and their circumstances, and they were getting by from the little Daniel made. They were okay until 2006 when he lost his truck driving job, stock went missing and the theft was pinned on him. He was innocent but found no way to defend himself. He stuck around Johannesburg for a while to search for another job but nobody wanted a forty eight year old man. He was then forced to go home that December, hoping the UIF would take care of things until he got another job, but he spent most of it going back and forth on a fruitless job search. The okay life they were accustomed to rapidly became hard. His silence became graved, his mood changed, the atmosphere he used to carry disappeared for being home too long, neighbors began to come in and sit a little bit, and gradually they began to ignore his presence. He felt as though he was losing his power, he thought too much and shared nothing with anyone, not even his wife. She was however supportive, she started working for CWP, sweeping the streets of their town for three hundred Rand per week that put food on Daniel’s table. She suggested that they went to church for prayers but he was too embarrassed to approach the church since he had once shown the pastor his second face. The pastor visited during Christmas to meet him back in his reigning days. Agnes received the pastor with reverence and gave him a black plastic chair to sit by the hut shade. Daniel peeped by the little window and saw a man in his yard and was infuriated. Agnes was about to stand to call him to meet the pastor when he stood by the door with the most intimidating expression that made the Pastor’s heart beat like a bass drum in his chest. Daniel was tall and intimidating and he, the pastor was a short slim man who laughed at his own jokes, he knew the moment he saw Daniel’s face that he had to run.

“Pfutsek!! Go and have your meeting outside my home”

‘Pfutsek’ means piss off and is used to dismiss dogs. Agnes was embarrassed that she did not even see the Pastor run out. She could not move, and she had no idea how she was going to apologize to the pastor for her husband’s unacceptable behavior. Now they needed the pastor, but he could not humble himself to take that day back, he was too embarrassed and so he pretended not to believe the church would help them.

“We don’t need prayers, I need a job…prayers will not take the kids to university, your damn prayers will not feed us”

“But prayers can make a way for a job”

“For a CWP job, is that the least your prayers can do?”

Agnes knew when to stop, she kept quiet and walked out. Life became hard for Daniel, he became bitter and hated how he had to now depend on his wife’s wages. It made him feel less of a man, after many years of being able to provide, he was frustrated that every conversation turned into an argument.

“Papa, it’s been three years now, why won’t you ask your brothers to help you get a job” Agnes tried to help one night

“I don’t remember the last time I spoke to my brothers” he said in a more repentant tone than normal.

He was beginning to see the need for relatives that he’d disregarded ever since he moved to his own home. He had isolated himself and kept to himself that his children hardly knew their relatives. He wished he could ask for their help but he was again too embarrassed.

“I know, but I think it’s time to swallow your pride and let other people help you, they will not reject you” she said

“How do you know?”

She paused for a while, trying to make out how he would react if she told him that she’d spoken to his brothers but they needed him to ask for their help himself. And then she said it.

“So you go behind my back and discuss me, you want them to laugh at me?” he fumed

“They are your brothers and they are willing to help”

“I don’t need anybody’s help”

He strode out and disappeared into the night. He found a log in the bushes and sat there for a while before he decided to set the grass on fire, just for his satisfaction. Even though he did not smoke, he kept a lighter in his pocket just to nurse his pyromania. When the flames glowed to light up where he was sitting, he felt a sudden relief, he felt the burden lift off his shoulders and for a moment, the voices in his head quieted down. The next morning, he decided to take his wife’s advice, and approached his three brothers for help.

“So you know us now, now that you need help we are your brothers” his eldest brother said

It ticked him off and made him regret the move, he was only supposed to say he was sorry, and they would help him but their questions made him feel so small, even though he was the last born, he hated feeling small. He walked out on them.

“You can all go to hell, I’ll do this on my own”

Daniel could not sleep that night, the fact that he had no plan tormented him. At midnight, he rose to find his lighter, he wanted that feeling, that feeling of relief that flames and smoke gave him. Agnes heard the door when he stepped out but she thought he was only going to relieve himself as he often did in the night. He closed the door behind him and stood outside his hut for a while before he began to pace up and down like a trapped witch in-between the two huts, turning the lighter on and off as he did. He kept recoiling his body and scratching his head like a craving drug addict and then he suddenly stopped very near his children’s hut, but continued the on and off of the lighter. He could touch the roof edge with no struggle as he even had to bend his neck whenever he went in or out.

The roof hay was dry and he knew they would make such gratifying flames. He could imagine the feeling and so he did it. He set the roof on fire and stood a meter away to watch the flames. It felt good, it took him to another world and by the time Agnes saw a glow through the window, the flame was half way round the hut. She screamed and ran to the door to find it locked from inside. She could hear them crying and struggling to unlock the door, until she finally broke in and that was when Daniel came back to realize what he’d done. The roof suddenly collapsed, setting fire and trapping Agnes and her children inside. Daniel could hear tormented cries that awaken the neighbors. The flame grew intense as their cries fainted. Daniel and everyone tried their best to stop the flames to no avail. The cries stopped and everybody knew what had happened.

                                                                                                

 

 

 

 

 

 

​THE WORLD SUPPORTS ITS OWN

Homosexuality is legal in this world, and I could get persecuted for judging but here is my truth; homosexuality was never in God’s plan, he created a man and when he realized that he was alone, he created a woman for him, not another man; Genesis 2:22. All this things started in this world after Satan’s ruling, remember he governs the world but not you, however, there are people who have become his own and many are serving him unaware. 

Look at how many good movies promote homosexuality, almost every program on television is saying, ‘it’s okay to be gay’. People succeed and become big stars from playing roles that promotes homosexuality and then, they thank God for their success, but who did they serve in the process of their success? Have you realized how attractive and exciting the wrong things are? Have you realized how quick the success of things that are against God is? That should show you how much the devil supports his own, you do something for him and he does something for you, sometimes he even sponsors you first, but where is the ending of all this? 

Music was created by God to worship him, but look at what the world has done to it, many are using it to either glorify the devil or themselves, and then when they receive worldly awards, they thank God in their speech. Tell you what; God does not need the credit you are giving him for things that has nothing to do with him, and here is a shocking fact; he is not your sponsor, as long as you are glorifying the one in this world, God has nothing to do with your success, but the one you work for does, whether you know it or not, and it is his Job to make you big and to make you think God( the one who has given you that very gift) is on your side so you can continue serving him blindly. 

While you work hard, giving your all to the work of the devil, God is waiting for the day when you will open your eyes and realize that you have not done anything for him with the gift he has given you, how sad it is that you are keeping him waiting while you please the enemy, but because he is a God of mercy, he has preserved your life, offering you a chance to repent and do what you were purposefully created for. Will you ever open your eyes or will you be forever consumed by worldly possessions to see? 

It is easy to justify yourself and say, “what I do does not glorify the devil or anyone, so I am in good terms with God”, but be careful not to be building an empire to beautify the devil’s territory in the process, and be careful not to be doing nothing at all that glorifies God, be careful not to be a part of the wrong things, remember a tree needs branches to be a tree; you may be a pastor in a story that condones homosexuality on other scenes, should one decide to cut down a tree, brunches go along, and in most cases; when they cut down trees, they chop down the brunches first. Do not be found supporting such worldly things that please not your creator but the devil. 

Let your gift glorify God, let your words glorify him, let your actions glorify him…let us help God take back his own, let us take the world to a point where everything says God is greater, because the truth is he is.

A LOOP-HOLE OF ESCAPE

The malicious world of unfriendly self-centered creatures crept into my world and invaded my most private treasures; abducted my virtue and gifted me distrust and fallacy on a bloody red gift bag. The innocence of my heart took in a dose of sin in one violent afternoon and concealed me in fear than rage. Shame stripped me naked; I hid myself away from everything…everything but him. Run away young blood, but where do I go?  Who knows what is out there? What if I come across the worst? The once safe and jolly place became the darkest dangerous territory with no way of escape. Night after the other I dared the violence hoping it was the last, hoping the thickness of blood would remind him of who I was, but so it seemed that I became his drug, he became addicted to me that I had no choice but to end his life to rest.

It started the night my mother took off without a trace. I still have no idea where she is, but all I do every day is pray that she is still in one piece wherever she is, I pray that she smiles like she used to with my father before he became an alcoholic and began the domestic violence. When he got arrested, things changed for the worst, because even though he had become violent, he still fed our stomachs. Mother had no career, no run away plan, no loop hole of escape and we just had to tolerate the violence for the sake of living another day, until they charged him two years in jail, thanks to our nosy neighbors. He went and left us no penny for bread.

Physically I was not affected by my father’s violence but now I am left alone to suffer the violence that seem to know no end. My uncle, George was the only relative I was introduced to, my mother left me at his house, on a Monday morning two months ago, she said she was going job haunting and that she would be back before dark to pick me up but she never did.

He shouted at me, as if I was to know where his sister had gone, as if I was a burden in his household when I had only been there for eleven hours, his wife was not even speaking to me, it was as though she knew I was there to stay.

“Where the hell is your mother, was she not supposed to have picked you up by five?” he exclaimed and I felt a rain of his saliva on my face. I had nothing to say, all I could do was hope she would show up at the door that very minute and take me home…but she did not, she did not come for me. The next morning, I woke up with a sore neck, and my ribs were as much aching, I slept on the living room floor, told not to try and sleep on the couch because I would pee on it. I was sixteen for heaven’s sakes. They both looked at me as if they had asked me a question I haven’t answered, but I swear I had not heard their voices that morning.

“You better take care of this today. I do not have kids, and I sure am not going to raise another woman’s child. Take care of it George” she said and then left the house. She called me an “it”, she hated me. When she was gone, uncle sat on the couch next to me, looking away from me and rubbing his hands against each other as though warming them up.

“I don’t think your mother is coming back Thuli” he said

He seemed to know something about her leaving

“Why Uncle George, where did she go?” I asked, careful not to ask the wrong questions.

“She told me she was not coming back, she asked me to take care of you”

I did not understand, tears began to blare my vision

“I tried to make her stay but she had already made up her mind, I could not tell my wife so because she would have forced her to take you with her. I am sorry I shouted at you yesterday, I only did it for my wife”

“Where did she go?”

“I don’t know…do not worry, I will take care of you, I will speak to my wife about it but we are not to let her know that your mother left you here by choice”

I could not move, I was paralyzed; my mother had left me with an uncle who could not stand up for me before his wife. How was I supposed to survive? Tears had begun to flow down my cheeks as reality checked in.

“Are you hungry?” he asked as he walked to the kitchen, I leaned on the couch breathless thinking of my life far from home. Even if it was close, what would I eat there? I had no choice but to stay. He came back a few minutes later with a tray of bread and a cup of creamed coffee, it had been a while since I drank a coffee like that, I accepted the food and began to eat as he did. When we were done, I took the dishes to the kitchen and washed them and then went back to the living room, thinking of what I was going to do about changing clothes.

“Your bag is in the guest room” he said looking at the television screen. I had been there before, and then, I slept in the guest room with my mother, so I knew exactly where it was. I looked at him once and detoured to the guest room, it was open, I entered and closed the door behind me and found a large suitcase on the bed. When I opened it, I found everything in it. It was really planned. I took off my clothes and draped myself on my brown towel and then bended over to find my bath towels, when I heard the door open, I jumped, startled and offended by his lack of manners. He usually knocked but he did not. I expected him to be out and gone saying sorry behind the door but there he was, still standing there and looking at me like I was his wife. He then cleared his throat and looked away, giving me a chance to drape another towel over my shoulders.

“I am sorry, I just wanted to check if you were okay”

“I am thank you” he left and I listened after his footsteps to make sure he was really gone, I took a deep breath and grabbed my bath towel to the shower. I could not help but cry my eyes out in silence, thinking ‘how could she have left me without saying goodbye’ hoping she was okay, praying to God that she was. When I was done, showering and crying, I draped myself with the same towel and went back to the bedroom and there he was, seated by the edge of the bed, I could hear my heart beating, when I look at the door, it was shut and the key that used to hang by the keyhole was no longer there. I looked at him, he smiled and said

“Don’t be afraid Thuli, I won’t hurt you. Come and sit down, I want to tell you something”

I could not move, I stood there by the shower door, thinking of how small the window was. I swallowed hard and moved back into the shower when he stood up, taking off his black belt. The shower door had no key I could lock myself in, I looked around for anything but there was nothing, nothing helpful, I stood against a corner, breathing like a dog when he grabbed me and pulled me to the bed, I screamed my lungs out to no avail, I had nothing on but a towel that fell on our way to the bed, he pinned me to the mattress next to my suitcase and unzipped his trousers, he was too heavy for me to fight, I could barely move under him, when his zip was open, he forced my legs apart and thrust into me with a force I had never felt before, he moved with speed in and out of me that I stopped moving and let him finish. When he was done, I could barely breathe, I could barely see his face, but I did feel the cold of a knife on my throat.

“Say a word, and you are dead. From today, you will stay in this house, you will not go out or talk to anyone. You hear me?”

I nodded, with my mouth open as a source of breath and then he left me lying there, breathless and bleeding my virginity away.

THANK YOU FOR READING…LEAVE A COMMENT AND I WILL SEND YOU THE LAST TWO PAGES OF THE STORY.

FIGHT IT WITHOUT TAKING A PUNCH

Step into the shoes of an unknown stranger

A stranger who had suffered enough abuse than reported

Touch their wounds

Experience the pain they bare from within

The pain of loving a total stranger

One who proved how cruel the world could get

A total stranger who became a part of their lives

Only but to destroy their view of this beautiful thing called love

See where it all began

When one slap seemed not to be enough because there was no blood to prove pain

Feel the hatred towards the walls of the apartment they lived in

For she was constantly pined on them and they could not swallow her when she wished they could to save her.

Hear the screams that took her voice to cry no more for help.

Count the amount of sorry-s that lost meaning when the same thing was repeated again and again with the word following the next morning.

Feel the heaviness of her heart

Carrying bitterness and self-pity for loving a total stranger

A stranger who proved the world to be a cruel place.

See the rage in her eyes that hold on to her heart as a grudge that will cease only with time.

Count the times she had gone suicidal but did not succeed.

See how much she’d wished the world could swallow her to save her from her troubles.

Reflect on the day she lied half dead in a hospital bed for loving a total stranger who proved the world to be a cruel place.

Do not be that man

Communicate your point without taking a punch

Do not be that woman who tolerate abuse

Fight it without taking a punch

 

 

GRADUATES AND EXPERIENCE

I’d like to sit down with people in power, people in position to determine who to employ and who not to, I’d like to find out where they started, and how they started, I’d to know who taught them to do the work they do, I’d to know who gave them the experience, I’d like to confirm if they had experience of the work they do before they were hired for the first time, and I’d like to know how a graduate is supposed to gain experience when they are not willing to hire them for lack of experience.

The introduction of internships had been a little but a blessing to a few who were lucky to be appointed in those positions, but yet that was also before experience was required to get an internship position. I thought internships were meant to offer experience to help people get jobs in those positions where experience is too crucial, but not anymore; someone I know was recently turned down after an interview for an internship program for lack of experience. Where is he supposed to get the experience? Not every college or university offers in-service training, even so, where is one supposed to get two years or more experience if not hired by anyone?

I have grown to believe that everyone has something to offer, experience or not; but only when given a chance. Graduates are hardly given a chance to learn, jobs are offered to people who already have jobs, since they are the ones who have experience. It is more like jobs are being circulated amongst the working class when it should be provided to people who are not working. A vacant position left by one who got a better offer and backed by the experience they gained from the vacancy is replaced by one who’d also left a vacancy somewhere which also is to be filled by one who’d been working somewhere else…and it goes on like that. How about us? How about those who had never worked before, how about those who had never left a vacancy, where are we supposed to work?

I’d like to know from human resources personnel or whoever is in position to hire, tell me where you gained experience before you were hired for the first time. If you had the experience please help me understand how, if not please tell me how you got the job. Were you lucky? What is it that you had that you do not see in our graduates? I am not only speaking for the many graduates who are unemployed, I also have been a victim until I decided to study something else which would not require me to wait for anyone to hire me (not everyone has the capacity to do this), and it’s discouraging to buy a city press to find vacancies of your field requiring two years or more experience that you do not have every Sunday. You apply anyway and nobody gets back to you because you could not possibly lie about having experience. Is that what you did? Did you fake experience to get the job? I need some light, I have an HR diploma which has become useless after many years of applying for internships and jobs that yielded no fruits. I have never used it because no one has ever given me a chance to practice what I have been taught.

Something has to be done about this, people in power ought to consider graduates, if you look at it, fresh minds are less demanding and hardworking, easy to train and innovative, but the cooperate world has become so stereotyped that nobody recognize this. Internships should not require experience and every company should offer internships. People without experience should be given a chance to learn, they should be given a chance to prove themselves. You cannot assume that it will be a waste of time and money unless you try, you will be surprised at what a graduate who knows nothing of the cooperate world can benefit your company. People without experience are more open to learn than people with five years’ experience. Everyone has something to offer, but only when given a chance.

SUIT UP FOR YOUR WORLD, NOT THE WORLD

The people who really see us are the people in our world, not the people in the world, but we tend to rather suit up for the world that hardly sees us instead of suiting up for the people in our world who appreciate and take pride in us when we look good. Suiting up includes everything, shaving, cleaning up and all that makes an immaculate person.

Okay let’s get down to differentiating the world from your world. The world, is everyone, all the strangers you see minding their own business when you suit up and go out there, they are those people who don’t even care whether you look good or not, because they do not know you, they may see you and admire your attire from a distance or even get closer to tell you that you look good or ask where you bought the dress but that’s it, it ends there, they don’t care whether you borrowed the suit or had it made, they do not care about you.

And your world, these are your people, your partner, your family and a little bit of your friends and colleagues, these are the people who look at you and smile, and in their deepest thoughts they are more likely to go like ‘hmmm…glad that is mine’. These are the people you ought to dress up for if you have to dress up for anyone, because they are the people who really see you and appreciate you and want more of you in their lives instead of wishing for better.

But here’s a fact; people dress up for the world and neglect themselves in their world, they think well, these people know me; a guy would say well my girlfriend or my wife already accepted me, I do not have to impress her anymore. Tell you what, you are very wrong, the less you value how they feel or think of you is the more you allow them to admire the outside world, because they still want that man who came to them dressed up for the world in the first place. As a wife, your husband married you but he still wants to see you as that woman he fell in love with that day. If there’s a time you need to go see your designer, it is when you are planning his surprise party in your house with only family and friends, and if there’s a time you need to be all sexy, that should be as you wait for him to come home from work. Okay let me not go deep into that world but I am sure you get my point. I mean why do you have to be sexy only when you are going out there and wear baggy track pants when you are with your man? If you are doing this, change it today.

These small efforts will keep the people in your world right where they belong. Do not neglect them and their feelings, listen to their opinions as far as your appearance is concerned; suit up better for them than the world.

WHICH TEAM DO YOU PLAY FOR?

I am certain you have heard people say, ‘we are all children of God’, in whatever situation you may have heard that but I do not believe that, simply because not everyone is a child of God, the truth is we all are born into sin, born as people of God because he is the creator, but we are never born children of God, which is why Jesus had come so we may be saved, so that we may have the right to become children of God. That is the reason there’s what we call “getting born again” and the how is in Romans 10:9. If you have not been born again, take it from me, you are only one of the people of God, not a child of God. You do not have the rights that the children of God have, you do not have the authority that the children of God have, and you are still lost in the very sin that you were born into.

I have heard people of God compare themselves with children of God, especially based on material things. “I am not born again, I do not go to church but I have what you do not have, I have a car and you don’t” if you have read my previous article ‘God’s script’, perhaps it will help you understand that children of God seek first the kingdom of God and the rest shall follow, and with no doubt those things do follow (Mathew 6:33). A child of God may take time to get to where you (people Of God) are but their script is longer than yours- oh now you are going to tell me about a born again Christian who had died before you?-they live on in heaven, their script was mostly based there, but should you die today, will you live on or burn on? Think about it.

If I were to paint a picture to portray the situation between people of God and children of God, it would look something like this;

Two teams, divided by a thin line, pulling each other with a strong rope, each team trying to win the other, and every day, people being lost from one team and gained at the other. one team being represented by the people of God (still lost in the world) with their team leader being Satan-team Satan… and the other would have to be the team I play for, Team Jesus, a team of Children of God (born again Christians), who are working hard to win the other team as they also suffer a pull from the opposition party (temptations). From both parties we have some people who stay behind the line, some who fall over permanently, and some who find themselves stuck in-between, one leg on the other side and the other at home, and we also have those who change teams whenever they please. It’s a struggle for both teams but there is one that offers life and one that presents you with fun, and attractive things that only give you a fast ride to your death, a death that offers no rest but eternal torment. Mathew 16:26.

We have got to get to a point where we understand with no doubt that hell is as real as heaven, and it is either you go to hell or heaven, life on earth can be really nice, but it is also the shortest we are given, because anything can happen and that’s it, you are gone. look at the statistics of people who die every day in car accidents, remember the person you were with the night before, healthy and well but died in an accident, or got shot, or anything that had nothing to do with natural death, can you really afford to waste the little time you have on things that only benefits the flesh and neglect your soul? Can you afford to remain in sin? Can you afford to miss the opportunity to be saved for an eternal glory? What if you were to die tomorrow? Obviously everything you have will remain, you are not going to die with them, where are you going to land… will you live on in heaven or burn on in hell?

Make a choice today, allow yourself to be pulled out of the people of God to become a child of God, if you have already accepted Jesus as your Lord and savior, make up your mind to remain where you are and make sure you are rooted in the word. We all have a choice, just as the bible shows us in Deuteronomy 30:19 about life and death, where God even advises us to choose life because he loved us like that. You have a choice, because the bottom line is, we all belong to a team, but the question is; which team do you play for?